Extraordinary Exterminator Emma Swan
by Darkly Dreaming
Summary: Prompt: "this is totally awkward considering before this the only interaction we've ever had have been casual nods to each other in the hallway but there's a huge fucking spider in my bathtub and you seem like the friendly neighbor type please help me" AU Rated T for language and half-naked Killian.


A/N: Yet another CS AU from a prompt on Tumblr. Surely I have better things to do, but I can't think of a single one.

Startswithhope did one for this prompt as well and it was pretty fanfuckingtastic, I recommend it. It's called Spider Slayer. While she has Killian come to Emma's aid, I felt I should do the opposite. Enjoy!

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Emma was just returning home from work when perhaps the strangest scene she'd ever laid eyes on graced her hallway; her very attractive neighbor quickly walking away from his apartment door with a towel around his waist, resolute expression on his face, reapeating the word 'Nope' over and over as he passed her.

She wracked her brain for his name. K. Jones was the name on the buzzer downstairs.

"Jones, everything alright?" she called after him.

He had reached the stairwell by then and offered no response other than to raise his voice. Only slightly more than a little curious and confused, she followed him down the stairs.

"Dude, _what_ is going _on_?" she asked when she caught up with him. He'd stopped his 'noping,' but not his descent. It appeared as though he were on his way to the superintendent's office. Her neighbor didn't look like he was in the mood for bad news, which was too bad. "Jones, Gold's on vacation with his family. We're S.O.L. this week."

That stopped him in his tracks. He turned back to her, hand on the knot at his hip to keep the towel in place, his mouth in a hard line. "Dammit!" he exclaimed and ran his free hand through his hair. It now stuck up at odd ends and Emma actually took notice of her neighbor's appearance for the first time that day.

 _Sex hair_ , was her first errant thought, quickly followed by _Not just sex hair, sex everything_. Broad shoulders connected to a very entincing clavicle, which led to a similarly broad chest covered in dark hair that trailed down, down, down under his dark blue towel. He had nice legs; his calves were toned, as if he wore boots all the time, or took the stairs at every opportunity, and his feet weren't oddly-shaped at all.

 _I'm in too deep,_ she thought. Apparently her perusal of his person brought him back to his senses.

"Um." Or maybe not, though he did have the grace to blush as he scratched behind his ear with his free right hand.

"What is it," Emma asked him. "Leaky pipe? Broken faucet?" If he was in a towel it was likely something wrong with the bathroom, most probably the shower. She had a wrench, she could fix a leaky pipe, but if the faucet or something else was broken they'd have to call a repairman.

Jones kept his mouth shut tight, jaw clenched, for a moment longer, seemingly deciding whether or not to let her help. He nodded resolutely to himself and said, "Spider."

Emma's eyebrows raised in surprise. "A spider," she asked for confirmation.

"Aye," he nodded, no trace of shame showing. The man knew his fear, but couldn't face it. Interesting.

"Okay," she said. Emma then walked purposefully toward him, turned him around, and stared marching him back up the stairs. "I have a flip flop in my apartment."

"It's on the ceiling above the showerhead."

"Then I have aerosol hairspray, keep moving."

The key was still in the lock, so she turned it and picked up the purse she'd hung on the door handle and laid them both on the small table by the door. "I'll just grab my hairspray."

His mouth was still set in that hard straight line when she returned. "Lead the way, Jones."

Head held high, as though he were going to his execution, he readjusted the grip on his towel and walked through his apartment door. He swallowed heavily as he neared the bathroom door and she barely resisted shaking her head. It was ridiculous, but it was also kind of adorable.

"You'd better stay out here," she said, then continued with a smile he couldn't see. "If anything happens to me..." she trailed off for effect and shut the door behind her. She heard a slight wimper from him and doubled over in order to keep her laughter silent. _Too good to pass up._

Emma looked up at the offending creature and her eyes widened in surprise. "Oh boy," she said. It was bigger than she anticipated. No wonder the guy was terrified. It could easily stand over her hand and not touch. "Okay. No problem."

She found his trash can and took out the bag just in case she couldn't kill it and would need to trap it.

Hairspray in her right hand, trash can in her left, she took aim and fired.

She didn't expect it to jump straight into her hair, so of course she shrieked like a banshee when it did.

"Swan?!" Apparently he didn't know her first name either. She didn't have time to answer him, she was cussing up a storm and trying not to break anything as she flailed around. When she heard a small thump she looked around, heart beating like mad. It had landed on his bathroom scale. Emma picked the small trash can back up and slammed it down, then picked up the scale from beneath and kicked on the door.

"Hey, open up. I got it."

Jones opened the door in sweat pants and a t-shirt, she was thankful to notice. "Open window?" she asked. He pointed to his bedroom and they made their way over.

"Ok, I want you to hold onto the scale, kind of at an angle," she explained. "On the count of three I'm gonna release it, alright?" At his nod she started counting.

"One, two, three." She scraped the top just in case it was on the scale and hit the trashcan on the windowsill until the damned thing fell out.

"There," she said, fist on her hip and smirk on her lips. "Problem solved."

Jones smiled and it made his crystal blue eys sparkle. Her insides twisted a bit. "Aye, thank you."

Her weight shifted enough for him to notice her attempt to leave, but he touched her elbow before she could speak her intention.

"And what name may I call my champion?" he asked, eyebrow quirked. "Swan is lovely, but I'd like the full effect when I regale my mates with your tale of bravery."

"You'd really tell your friends that a woman had to save you from the scary spider in your bathroom?" she asked, a little skeptical.

Jones' smile widened to a grin. "I see it as a beautiful heroine saving me from a fate worse than death."

Emma flared her nostrils and her eyebrow twitched in her attempt to hide her amusement. _Sure._ "Emma. My name's Emma."

"Emma Swan," he tried it out. "Beautiful name for a stunning savior."

 _Definitely in too deep. Get out now._ She turned away and said, "Your bathroom is free now. Go take your shower, Jones."

"Killian."

She paused at the bedroom door and turned her head. "Sorry?"

"My name," he said. "It's Killain. Just in case you say yes to my next question."

"And what is your next question?" She turned back fully and crossed her arms over her chest, leaning one shoulder on the door frame.

"Would you permit me to take you out to dinner as thanks?"

 _Waaaaay too deep. Get out now._ "I don't see why not." _Shit! What?_ "I mean, I don't have any plans for tonight." _Fuck it. I'm drowning in those baby blues, may as well enjoy it._ "Pick me up at 7:30?"

"I will."

Back in her own apartment she flopped down onto her bed and smiled. Mary Margaret was going to love this story.


End file.
